Tag Archives: Toddler

Children as Equals?

I have come to realise over the last few weeks that Ben thinks him and I are equals.  He is often heard saying the same things to me that I say to him, some of these are lovely like the “good sharing Mummy” some are not quite as nice to hear back “stand there and don’t move” “stop that” (I could go on!)

Something else I have realised is that he has no fear of me, none. Which I think is great, I don’t do smacking, I have been known to REALLY shout only a handful of times.  O.K. and then there is the huge BUT…

What is the correct relationship between parent and child at 3 years old? Respect? Worship? Fear? Equals?  Or have they not worked it out yet and just see you as Mummy?

I believe Ben to be a typical 3 year old, he is well mannered, polite, listens to me, responds well, understands he can’t always have everything he wants and then there is the remained 99% of the day.  O.K. that is unfair, depends on the day the % mix of delightful/devil and it flicks in the blink of an eye too.

At the moment my hardest battle – and believe me when in the middle of it, it is a full on battle, is when he loses the plot and nothing works, and I have realised just that, nothing works except me removing myself from him, and letting him calm down.  I do expect too much of him, I want him to believe perfectly 100% of the time but that is far from realistic and as time goes on I am lowering my expectations to understand that I have no failed if he behaves badly. But how I react to that behaviour is when I win or lose.

Our battles usually escalate when we are both tired and stressed, sadly neither are things that can be eliminated, but being aware that these are triggers should help me knowing when to back off.  He is a clever little boy, he knows exactly what buttons to press when in devil mode, and I often stupidly rise to them.  And at that point yes we are equals as I have the maturity of a 3 year old

I am a firm believer in they need boundaries, they need to know what is acceptable and not, what is expected of them in certain situations – but again am I being unrealistic with this and a 3 year old?

So any advice out there on what the parent child relationship should be?

So often I can see Cartman in my head blaring “YOU WILL RESPECT MY AUTHORITY”

Biggest pre-schooler toddler annoyance…

Of course the thing that winds you up most about your child changes with their age and ability to know what gets to you.

At the moment for me it is the being totally contrary.

The yes I want it – No I don’t – Yes I do.  whatever he asks for he changes his mind 2 seconds later, it is exhausting. And believe me I don’t pander to it! But the other day i thought, O.K. lets go with it and see how ridiculous we can go, so breakfast sounded like this

Ben “Can I have circles (cheerios) please”  (O.K. he didn’t say please that is a lie to make me feel better)

I pour his cheerios

Ben “No I said stars & trees”

Me “O.K.”  *through gritted teeth* swaps cheerios for stars & trees

Ben “I didn’t want that bowl, I asked for the cat bowl”

Me “Of course” *slightly hysterical now* swaps bowls & adds milk

Ben “I don’t want breakfast”

Me *signs into the Priory* (O.K. not the Priory more like the shed)

Ahhh you have to love them …sure you aren’t allowed to eBay them!

 

 

 

Max Strength Toddler

Well I have had a week of full on pre-schooler toddler (the bad side) between the withholding wee, the refusal to get dressed, the not eating, the general fighting over anything, the changing his mind and then over reacting.  O.K. he has been unwell, he had a temp and the snot and a cough, but there is only so much you can deal with, especially when you are good cop AND bad cop.

And believe me I have tried everything, calm, asking, begging, shouting, time out, bribes, and reverse psychology.

The frustration it beings me, where you are determined to remain calm, but that gradually fizzles away as time ticks away to get out the door.

I try to parent in a way I can feel proud of, I fail often, but don’t beat myself up over it.  I realised the other day my child is not in any shape or form scared of me.  This is a great thing, in a way.

I don’t smack for many reasons, but I also don’t judge others who do.  But when I did shout the other day, it wasn’t a losing the plot shout it was I have tried everything else and he just looked at me in a bemused ‘what is she doing?’ way.

So today we are having a ‘if you don’t do as I ask you will go to your room day’ No exceptions.  It took us an hour from waking to come downstairs as he was refusing to do a wee. He spent a lot of that in his room with the gate shut.  But the point was made (I HOPE!!!)

This is the hardest bit for me, as there is so little sense to a lot of it, but I am trying to break it down and understand it from his view and it is a mixture of feeling ill, attention seeking, testing boundaries and just being 3 years old.

Moving for a cot to a big boy bed

So I decided the time was right after a few things, he tried to climb out of the travel cot a couple of weeks ago, then at home he got as far as a leg over the cot.

So at 2 years and 7 months I have given in.  I ordered a Lightning McQueen duvet cover and pillow case (his current favorites)

This afternoon I went up and converted his cot to a bed and made the bed and then called him up, he was quite shocked, but ok and asked “Where is Bens little cot gone?”

I said this was his big boy bed, we both lay in it for a while and then played a game of going to Mummys ‘cot’ and both getting in adn then back to Bens.

Tonight i did our normal routine and then lay on his bed and read some stories until he was chilled.

I then got up and said night night and then put a quilt on the floor next to the bed and he asked why.  I said just for Ben to be careful as there was no side.

I have umm’d and arr’d all week as to if I should get a bed guard, but you were very limited with cot beds over the one you could get and I didn’t want to spend £20 for something that might not be used for more than a week or so.

So I left him, no covers on as he hasn’t had anything on him since it has been warm, he has his blankie, Mr PB, Sarge and a Mini cuddled up and came downstairs.  Turned the monitor right up and am now sitting her listening to him.

Oh and also no stair gate on his door as with the 2 cats I need to keep the door closed and also the position of the door means no stair gate.  He can’t open the doors as they are round turning handles.