I have come to realise over the last few weeks that Ben thinks him and I are equals. He is often heard saying the same things to me that I say to him, some of these are lovely like the “good sharing Mummy” some are not quite as nice to hear back “stand there and don’t move” “stop that” (I could go on!)
Something else I have realised is that he has no fear of me, none. Which I think is great, I don’t do smacking, I have been known to REALLY shout only a handful of times. O.K. and then there is the huge BUT…
What is the correct relationship between parent and child at 3 years old? Respect? Worship? Fear? Equals? Or have they not worked it out yet and just see you as Mummy?
I believe Ben to be a typical 3 year old, he is well mannered, polite, listens to me, responds well, understands he can’t always have everything he wants and then there is the remained 99% of the day. O.K. that is unfair, depends on the day the % mix of delightful/devil and it flicks in the blink of an eye too.
At the moment my hardest battle – and believe me when in the middle of it, it is a full on battle, is when he loses the plot and nothing works, and I have realised just that, nothing works except me removing myself from him, and letting him calm down. I do expect too much of him, I want him to believe perfectly 100% of the time but that is far from realistic and as time goes on I am lowering my expectations to understand that I have no failed if he behaves badly. But how I react to that behaviour is when I win or lose.
Our battles usually escalate when we are both tired and stressed, sadly neither are things that can be eliminated, but being aware that these are triggers should help me knowing when to back off. He is a clever little boy, he knows exactly what buttons to press when in devil mode, and I often stupidly rise to them. And at that point yes we are equals as I have the maturity of a 3 year old
I am a firm believer in they need boundaries, they need to know what is acceptable and not, what is expected of them in certain situations – but again am I being unrealistic with this and a 3 year old?
So any advice out there on what the parent child relationship should be?
So often I can see Cartman in my head blaring “YOU WILL RESPECT MY AUTHORITY”