July 30, 2008
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Ben was awake a couple of times last night with snuffles and took a full feed at 4 a.m. But went back down till 7am. I got up at 6am, nearly skidded in the kitchen on cat poo and then got ready. I got him sorted when he woke up and left at 7.45am.
When I got him out the car at nursery I had a bit of a wobble but made myself take a deep breath and be happy Mummy.
The lady at the nursery who took him was so lovely and telling me how he was so gorgeous and lovely. He was not fazed one bit – all excited about seeing the other children.
Work was really fine, just spending this week catching up with reading and sorting out my diary.
So I was able to go collect him at 3pm and come home. When I went up to get him he was laughing and chatting to one of the girls when I walked in – so obviously not too disturbed.
The staff are brilliant, being told how sociable and gorgeous he is really make me feel good about myself and the job I have done so far and just makes me feel better leaving him if he is ok with him.
He also ate a whole weetabix this morning there, and apparently wanted more, then had pasta and white sauce for lunch so nothing wrong with his eating there either.
So actually feeling quite positive about everything, but sure we’ll see when I am actually doing proper work and stressed
July 24, 2008
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And so the time has come that I am back to work full time from Monday and Ben goes to nursery full time.
I just can’t believe that 6 months has gone so fast.
I am happy with where he is going and he goes for 2 x 2 1/2 taster sessions on Thurs & Fri this week.
It just keeps hitting me like a ton of bricks that he isn’t going to be with me all day and I am terrified he is going to miss me and be scared and frightened without me (OK the tears have just started again – I am officially a wuss )
It is just tearing me apart that we will never spend the same amount of time together again.
Going back to work f/t is not a choice, and Ben going to a nursery as apposed to family is not a choice either, still not sure how we are actually going to beable to afford to eat but ho hum I know it will get easier.
He is such a cutie and I am going to miss him so much
May 26, 2008
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I think this is going to go on forever now I have a baby…
Whilst Pregnant and suffering from hyperemesis gravidarium people constantly suggested to me trying ginger stuff – I know they were only trying to help, but it got to the stage I was having to not even try and say oh thanks I have tried that for fear of being very sarcastic back.
Then with a newborn people are telling you, don’t hold them too much, sleep when they sleep, breast is best, trust your instincts…blah blah blah…
And now my latest driving me crazy advice and comments – I am returning to work full time – and so I get from anyone and everyone, “oh that is going to be hard on you” – DO YOU REALLY THINK I DON’T BLOODY WELL KNOW THAT !!
I actually have a speech now that I repeat that requires no emotion or thought “oh I am not worried about Ben at all, he loves other children it will do him good blah blah blah, me, oh I’ll be fine, it will be good to mix with other adults again (insert a little chuckle here)”
What I really want to say is, yes it is going to be really terrible leaving my baby that I have been with for nearly 24/7 since he was born, I really don’t want to go back to work but we actually want to eat something other than bread and water and if Ben actually wants to wear something apart from newspaper then I have to go back to work…
OK rant over