June 12, 2008
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Not sure if this is common or just me
But I feel like I have hit a bit of a brick wall, I am tired, and can’t think of things to do with Ben all day. We got out every day to supermarket, rhyme time, swimming etc. When home we read books, sing songs, talk about stuff play with toys etc but I just feel like I have run out of stuff to do and say with him.
I am also feeling guilty that I want a bit of a break (10 mins even ) when in 2 weeks I will have a full time 5 days a week break when back at work. He has just started the knowing Mum has gone out the room thing and crying which is exhausting.
He sleeping is totally erratic, we had 12 1/2 hour last night, during the week awake every 2 hours, some mornings a feed at 4am. I had a great nights sleep last night but feel totally shattered today still.
I am just feeling a bit crap at being a Mum today – like everyone else is doing a fantastic job (I know I shouldn’t compare) and I am just lazy, boring and shite at itI feel a lot of pressure that Ben should be happy 24/7 and not left to winger or moan that as soon as he does I jump in front of him again to entertain him.
I worry that I am not stimulating him enough and he is being ignored if I leave him to play with a toy for a while and do stuff in the kitchen etc.